🎢 Introducing The Auti Peri!🎢

Hold on tight for the hormonal ride of your life!

"Roll up! Roll up! Come and see the amazing bearded lady!"

(Where is my hair removal cream?)

Are you sitting comfortably? Then let’s begin.

Photo by Sergei Gussev on Unsplash

Introducing The Auti Peri! 😵‍💫

Are you ready to spiral with me on the world’s most extreme hormonal roller coaster?

Thrill-seekers will have something to scream about when they experience The Rage aboard The Auti Peri! You will think you are losing your mind!

With stomach-churning inversions, this decade or so long roller coaster will repeatedly bring you to your knees. And keep your legs crossed, or you will be sure to pee your pants - and not in excitement! You won’t want to open them anyway - not now that your libido is a thing of the past.

Goodbye lingerie, hello period undies! Useful for catching all of your unexpected spills and thrills… 🩸

Timed to create the nightmare unmasking of your newly-identified autism, alongside this little known hormonal underworld, with essential rapidly receding hairline and burning dry eyes, The Auti Peri features the following succession of breath-taking thrills:

A rapid lift-hill climb of oestrogen, plummeting curved first drop of brain fog, a dive loop of progesterone, a vertical loop of irregular periods encircling the lift hill, a zero-gravity roll into menopausal depression, a sagging pair of batwing inversions, itchy outside loop, spiralling mood and capacity, in-line bloating belly roll and constipated carousel, all at speeds of up to 1,000 mph!

As a result of the natural terrain underneath The Auti Peri, riders experience a sensory overloading elevation change of 500 feet from the highest point of the rollercoaster, in previously uncharacteristic unpredictable mania of your ovaries’ last-ditch attempts at ovulation by extreme oestrogen surges – the 400-foot tall lift hill – to the lowest and most utterly depressive point with the flabby batwing inversions.

The top speed of 1,000 mph is not reached until the midlife midway point of the ride, rather than at the first drop, as most riders experience on other roller coasters.

The best part is, you never know when The Auti Peri is over! It just keeps on senselessly spiralling, peaking and plummeting you into deeper depths than you ever thought possible!

The Auti Peri is a compulsory ride for all autistics assigned female at birth, and is certainly not for the faint of heart!