Five signs you may be in Perimenopautism! Plus a definition, examples and fun facts
On the perplexity of late diagnosed autism alongside perimenopausal onset
Perimenopautism
noun
UK 🔈 /per.iˈmen.ə.ˈɔː.tɪ.zəm/
A common yet under identified life stage whereby women are late diagnosed autistic, whilst simultaneously being in perimenopause.
A
state of internal chaosphenomenon that affects the functioning, capacity, cognition and emotional regulation of an autistic adult woman/AFAB person floored by their hormonal fluctuations in midlife.
Examples
The perimenopautistic woman threatened to burn down her family’s house after she found yet another unclaimed wet towel on the carpet.
She believed the best lifestyle medicine to alleviate the symptoms of perimenopautism was to adopt more cats.
Perimenopautism is not a medical condition with a “cure”, but perimenopausal autistic people may have additional support needs and require reasonable accommodations with certain things.
Perimenopautistics are on a spectrum, meaning that everyone with perimenopautism is different.
As the saying goes: “If you’ve met one person with perimenopautism, give her chocolate and back away slowly, avoiding eye contact. For your own personal safety, do not ask her to share the chocolate.”
Other names and phrases for perimenopautism:
a cruel joke; a total nightmare; a normal natural life phase;
a perfect storm; a shitshow; a midlife crisis; an unravelling; a total breakdown;
an emotional hormonal rollercoaster AKA The Auti Peri; an involuntary unmasking;
a temporary regression; The Change; a reverse puberty; a second spring
Five signs you may be in
Perimenopautism:
Temporary Regressions
You may be going through adult life and realising that you have always felt different from everyone else, but never really known why. You do some research, you learn about female autism, it feels like a good fit for you. You find your people - your neurotribe. You fall into a false sense of confidence and optimism that perhaps you aren’t the failure/weirdo/bitch everyone has implied you were all your life. This is it, you are ready for a new life chapter. You really are a real grown woman now. And then - BAM! 💥 Suddenly, you have forgotten how to drive, you can no longer stand the sensory overwhelm of washing your own hair, and if you have to ever cook one more family meal again you will positively die from overload. Welcome to Perimenopautism!
Mood Changes
Have you noticed that you hate everyone who you used to love? Does your life partner/child/parent/pet/neighbour exist solely to place demands on you, and to take up your precious time that you could be spending alone in darkness under a weighted blanket whilst rocking back and forth? Have you channelled The Rage because nobody else can pick up or find their own stuff? Ever? Do you want to run away from your daily life, join a commune, lie in Child’s Pose for hours on end, and have someone else wash your hair, do the laundry and cook your meals? So do I. Let’s ride at dawn. 🧘🏽♀️
Sleep Disruption
Are you waking up multiple times a night? Struggling to get back to sleep? Experiencing night sweats? Having to sleep on the bathroom floor tiles because there is already too much damn laundry to deal with, and why is that freaking towel on the floor and not on the towel rail? FML.
Increased sensitivity to stimuli
Urgh, my back hurts. My boobs hurt. The floor hurts my feet. I want to rip off my skin. Why is it so hot in here? Urgh, I am so itchy. Why is my vagina burning? Why is everyone so loud? What is that smell? Why is it so bright? I forgot my sunglasses. Why can’t anyone else hear that flickering light buzzing? If they don’t switch it off soon I am going to - and straight into a meltdown. Shit.
Menstrual Irregularities
The only good thing about periods was that at least they used to be regular. Now I don’t know if and when I need tampons, a menstrual cup, a pantyliner, period undies or a heavy duty sanitary towel. And as for sitting on a towel in the car, just in case of menstrual flooding? Too late. Time to carry a spare set of clothes at all times… Wait, why haven’t I had a period recently? No more cycles? No menstrual routine or schedule? Why are my bleeds so irregular/light/heavy? Omg make it stop! I need to go on the pill. No, give me a Mirena IUD. Still spotting. Please - take out my entire female reproductive system! I am so done with it all! I can’t handle the unpredictable uncertainty. Make it stop! WHEN WILL IT END?!
💕
Some fun facts about perimenopautism:
Symptoms can occur at any age, nobody is too young or too old to enter perimenopautism!
It can be extreme or slight in severity, and symptoms may vary and fluctuate over time.
It may manifest insidiously, eating away at the individual until they mistakenly believe they have lost their mind.
It can lead to temporary regressions in functioning.
There are data voids in research into perimenopautism. Some of the best available information can be found here and here.
It often increases the severity and frequency of autistic shutdowns, meltdowns, and episodes of inertia and apathy in many people.
It can cause new or trigger repeated previous depressive episodes. A self-rating scale to identify depression in the menopausal transition here.
It can go under diagnosed, misdiagnosed, ignored, dismissed, and/or invalidated by medical practitioners. Self-advocacy skills need to be quickly learnt and executed by perimenopautistics.
It can increase risk of suicidality and suicidal thoughts. Yay.
It often occurs following or alongside chronic medical misogyny and gaslighting. Again, yay.
It can lead to irritability and The Rage. Although I can’t think why..?
It can exacerbate sleeplessness and insomnia.
It can be treated/eased using healthy lifestyle choices, hormone replacement therapy, and/or pharmaceutical medications. (I’ll take the lot, please and thank you!)
“Ultimately, aging is a privilege, and perimenopause is a normal part of it. By staying informed, making positive lifestyle changes, and exploring treatment options, you can navigate this transition with confidence.
For more information on what is happening to the body during perimenopause – click here
Get advice on help with pelvic floor issues – bladder, bowel, pain, prolapse – click here”
☕️ PSA: Dear Readers, if you would like to send me a one off tip without signing up to be a Paid Subscriber, the link below is for you! ☕️
Beautifully captures what I imagine has been examples of female suffering that was, for much too long, likely suppressed, dismissed, gaslighted or even self-shamed into something undeserved. So good to see this effort towards helping awareness get out to the world.
Ah this Perimenopautism is a real wild ride isn’t it! I’m really struggling with my own demand avoidance at the moment. I think it’s due to a delayed ‘restraint collapse’ after leaving the corporate world, heightened by my children (7yo highly sensitive, likely AuDHD & PDA and 2yo VERY full-on and defiant toddler) and definitely triggered by seasonal ‘to-do lists’ but finding it really detrimental to my own well-being and relationships… I find myself being a very unempathetic and shouty mum and wanting to jump out of my skin with their reasonable and not so reasonable requests. And I can see that I’m beginning to actually get in my own way and not wanting to meet my own needs (sleep, etc)…
If anyone has found something that helps I’d love to hear it! I’ve made an appointment with my GP for early Jan to talk about my general overwhelm and irritability, hopefully starting some kind of pathway to diagnosis and perhaps medication. I’m self-diagnosed AuDHD and likely perimenopausal too. 🙏