Yes antiques roadshow is still on, yes I absolutely still had that Sunday feeling for a long time. I hated school, I didn't fit, it was overwhelming, I was bullied, it was hideous. I had a few wonderful teachers and later on some lovely friends but even the bits I liked were overwhelming.
I home educated my two from the start, initially because I knew my eldest was too young at 4 to go, so we started with the idea of doing it for a year... Then it continued, best thing I've ever done. My children thrived. I could have written this piece, so many parallels!!
Oh that’s great news that your children thrived with homeschooling! I seem to spend all my energy feeding them, supporting them in hygiene management, and trying to prise them away from screens. Argh! But it’s still better for them than school would be 😞
We were very child led, followed their interests, did life skills, lots of trips, chatting, groups, it was a good time! Hard to trust and follow their own paths. I had to keep deschooling my brain and not look at it as me teaching them. We just shared life and lived in a meandering fashion, focussing on some things for months and months if it captured their interest. It ebbed and flowed, sometimes feeling like there was too much screen and not enough other stuff, then they'd be off wanting to know everything about some random topic... Mostly history for my eldest who is now about to start her history masters. My youngest is more into environment and politics, all of which we had so much time to explore. Trips to parliament, campaigning against our local airport expansion, all sorts. How long have you been home educating?
I’m sorry your school experiences were so traumatic. Neither of my children thrived in school, which is why my younger son was home educated.
I probably had almost an opposite experience of school. I coped reasonably well in primary school, but struggled more and more in secondary school. In primary school I liked the routine, and the calm, and I liked wearing a school uniform (especially as it was optional in primary school). Somehow, in my primary schools, there were lots of opportunities for me to randomly wander around and stim, and I think that helped.
I hated the lack of routine in the summer and so September brought, and still brings, a huge sense of relief, as my mental health is usually not good by the end of August. It happens every year, and every year it surprises me. You’d think I’d learn!
No tips for the hot flushes, except to say they suck and I’m sorry you are going through them.
Ugh I hated Sundays (at secondary level, my primary school was in the main uneventful), I cried myself to sleep every night, and the anxiety about going back to school after any holiday was immense. I don’t remember much though, also ended up a teacher, have since stopped and though I didn’t homeschool my kids, wish I had had the courage to, and constantly tell people to homeschool their kids, that the system is broken, and kids are no better off now than in Victorian times. I’m not sure how I survived secondary school - my father always used to laugh when I complained and tell me it was ‘character building’, finally a year or so before he died, when he once again repeated this ‘fact’ with glee, I managed to get the courage up and say ‘NO, it was character assassinating’. I knew who I was before secondary school, I still don’t know now 40+ years since I left it.
(Yes, the Antiques Roadshow is still on and no, your toys would be considered collectibles but not antiques (they have to be 100 years old for that monicker))
The sunday blues and dread. Loved Fridays and Saturday but waking up on Sunday was like my insides were sinking all day.
This was always majorly increased on the Sunday after school holidays compared to weekend.
There is something so otherworldly looking at photos of children and teenagers seeming happy and excited about school, I analyze the photos trying to see whether they really are because it is unfathomable to me
You’re absolutely right, “gifted” is just as ridiculous and misleading a term as “attention deficit hyperactivity disorder”! They don’t at all pertain to our experience of them. As Dr Ned Hallowell says, ADHD is an abundance of attention, not a deficit of attention. Whoever names these conditions is responsible for a lot of the myths and misconceptions surrounding them.
Thanks for a glimpse into your world! I suffered through school for many reasons - learned to read too early, didn’t really get social cues, but also was the best little pleaser possible and quite verbal, so probably not neurodivergent- just weird :(.
And now for 15 years been teaching at university- very aware of how difficult it is for some students - and even for myself.
First day of school usually I can’t fall asleep the night before, I over compensate by being overly talkative and enthusiastic and wear myself out.
Thanks again for sharing your life!
And about menopause - it’s a bitch. But I’m past it now - and I think it does calm down somewhat…
Hi Audrey. Thanks for your insight! Reading early is hyperlexia, and it sounds like you were hyperverbal too, which I think is a thing? So that could make you gifted, which is a neurodivergence in and of itself, as far as I’m aware? Sorry, I’m an armchair diagnostician without boundaries, ha ha!
Giftedness comes with “overexcitabilities” and asynchronous development. Plus being way ahead of your peers is ostracising in an of itself.
Those of us who are gifted plus ADHD, autistic, dyslexic etc. are “twice (or multi) exceptional”, where we use the gifted intellect to compensate for social, emotional etc. differences and get completely burnt out in the process. As we are “exceptional” - as opposed to all round average peers, for whom education system are designed - at both ends of the scale (with high ability at one end, and low ability at the other) we appear “normal”. Then when we start failing grades and/or having meltdowns, we get called weird, annoying etc. rather than having our actual needs recognised and met.
Sorry, that was a massive tangent. I love that topic! Not that that’s necessarily your experience. It might be for your students though. I just completely autisticed this conversation, oops!
Yes, menopause is a total bitch. I’m glad to hear it’s been easier for you coming out the other side :)
oh wow, the feelings are still so strong. There lies the reason we need to listen to and advocate for our children. The school system has a long way to go but we need to keep shouting so our voices get heard. Not homeschooling yet, but I can see why so many people do.
All too familiar. I hated school for all those reasons too. The kids and most of the teachers. I started my first period at the age of 8, during morning assembly. I was already an oddity. Added to that I went to 13 schools in 12 years, thanks to Dad's work. I begged to go to boarding school. Now realising it would probably have been worse than always being the new girl. One teacher did say to my parents I was withdrawn and didn't join in with the other children. Tumbleweed. Having finally been diagnosed at 63 so much is explained but it will never take away the trauma of childhood or adulthood
Oh I’m so sorry, that all sounds awful! And your first period was 8! Did you know what was happening? I think I would have got a terrible fright! I think I was 10 or 11 when I started. Them started perimenopause around 36, I think in hindsight. I’m 43 now and it’s still awful. Can’t wait to be post-menopausal. Did your menopausal transition start early too? I hope you’ve found a lot of peace and comfort in your autism diagnosis. It’s so crucial to have an explanation for our challenges and difficulties, in my view. It’s what keeps me going currently as I’m having another major regression.
My experience, as a potentially high-achieving misfit ADHD were quite different - but yeah, school was unfathomable to me and I still remember Sunday nights over 50 years later. 🫂 to all xx
Yes! I’m AuDHD and was very autistic in primary school, then extremely ADHD in secondary school. I think that pattern is repeating through peri too. “Potentially high-achieving” - yes! I’m sure loads of us are 2e/twice exceptional. But using our intellect to keep our bodies in the room exhausts us so how could we have ever met our potential? 😿
Memories of school humiliation came rushing back as I read your post. I too suffered from stomach aches thanks to all the masking, often being sent home. I grew up in South Africa and live in the UK now so I've the reverse situation of your hemisphere swap, yet still I feel the back to school atmosphere this time of year!
Yes antiques roadshow is still on, yes I absolutely still had that Sunday feeling for a long time. I hated school, I didn't fit, it was overwhelming, I was bullied, it was hideous. I had a few wonderful teachers and later on some lovely friends but even the bits I liked were overwhelming.
I home educated my two from the start, initially because I knew my eldest was too young at 4 to go, so we started with the idea of doing it for a year... Then it continued, best thing I've ever done. My children thrived. I could have written this piece, so many parallels!!
Oh that’s great news that your children thrived with homeschooling! I seem to spend all my energy feeding them, supporting them in hygiene management, and trying to prise them away from screens. Argh! But it’s still better for them than school would be 😞
We were very child led, followed their interests, did life skills, lots of trips, chatting, groups, it was a good time! Hard to trust and follow their own paths. I had to keep deschooling my brain and not look at it as me teaching them. We just shared life and lived in a meandering fashion, focussing on some things for months and months if it captured their interest. It ebbed and flowed, sometimes feeling like there was too much screen and not enough other stuff, then they'd be off wanting to know everything about some random topic... Mostly history for my eldest who is now about to start her history masters. My youngest is more into environment and politics, all of which we had so much time to explore. Trips to parliament, campaigning against our local airport expansion, all sorts. How long have you been home educating?
I’m sorry your school experiences were so traumatic. Neither of my children thrived in school, which is why my younger son was home educated.
I probably had almost an opposite experience of school. I coped reasonably well in primary school, but struggled more and more in secondary school. In primary school I liked the routine, and the calm, and I liked wearing a school uniform (especially as it was optional in primary school). Somehow, in my primary schools, there were lots of opportunities for me to randomly wander around and stim, and I think that helped.
I hated the lack of routine in the summer and so September brought, and still brings, a huge sense of relief, as my mental health is usually not good by the end of August. It happens every year, and every year it surprises me. You’d think I’d learn!
No tips for the hot flushes, except to say they suck and I’m sorry you are going through them.
It’s crazy how our bodies hold onto the chaos of the year, exacerbating issues our brain doesn’t even realise have occurred yet!
Ugh I hated Sundays (at secondary level, my primary school was in the main uneventful), I cried myself to sleep every night, and the anxiety about going back to school after any holiday was immense. I don’t remember much though, also ended up a teacher, have since stopped and though I didn’t homeschool my kids, wish I had had the courage to, and constantly tell people to homeschool their kids, that the system is broken, and kids are no better off now than in Victorian times. I’m not sure how I survived secondary school - my father always used to laugh when I complained and tell me it was ‘character building’, finally a year or so before he died, when he once again repeated this ‘fact’ with glee, I managed to get the courage up and say ‘NO, it was character assassinating’. I knew who I was before secondary school, I still don’t know now 40+ years since I left it.
(Yes, the Antiques Roadshow is still on and no, your toys would be considered collectibles but not antiques (they have to be 100 years old for that monicker))
Definitely character assassinating!
I feel like I’m 100 already though 😹
I’m sorry you suffered too 😿
Were you a primary school teacher too?
The sunday blues and dread. Loved Fridays and Saturday but waking up on Sunday was like my insides were sinking all day.
This was always majorly increased on the Sunday after school holidays compared to weekend.
There is something so otherworldly looking at photos of children and teenagers seeming happy and excited about school, I analyze the photos trying to see whether they really are because it is unfathomable to me
100% agree!
Thank you for this insight:). Gifted is not always a gift. At least with age I’m just a regular flawed human now :).
You’re absolutely right, “gifted” is just as ridiculous and misleading a term as “attention deficit hyperactivity disorder”! They don’t at all pertain to our experience of them. As Dr Ned Hallowell says, ADHD is an abundance of attention, not a deficit of attention. Whoever names these conditions is responsible for a lot of the myths and misconceptions surrounding them.
Thanks for a glimpse into your world! I suffered through school for many reasons - learned to read too early, didn’t really get social cues, but also was the best little pleaser possible and quite verbal, so probably not neurodivergent- just weird :(.
And now for 15 years been teaching at university- very aware of how difficult it is for some students - and even for myself.
First day of school usually I can’t fall asleep the night before, I over compensate by being overly talkative and enthusiastic and wear myself out.
Thanks again for sharing your life!
And about menopause - it’s a bitch. But I’m past it now - and I think it does calm down somewhat…
Hi Audrey. Thanks for your insight! Reading early is hyperlexia, and it sounds like you were hyperverbal too, which I think is a thing? So that could make you gifted, which is a neurodivergence in and of itself, as far as I’m aware? Sorry, I’m an armchair diagnostician without boundaries, ha ha!
Giftedness comes with “overexcitabilities” and asynchronous development. Plus being way ahead of your peers is ostracising in an of itself.
Those of us who are gifted plus ADHD, autistic, dyslexic etc. are “twice (or multi) exceptional”, where we use the gifted intellect to compensate for social, emotional etc. differences and get completely burnt out in the process. As we are “exceptional” - as opposed to all round average peers, for whom education system are designed - at both ends of the scale (with high ability at one end, and low ability at the other) we appear “normal”. Then when we start failing grades and/or having meltdowns, we get called weird, annoying etc. rather than having our actual needs recognised and met.
Sorry, that was a massive tangent. I love that topic! Not that that’s necessarily your experience. It might be for your students though. I just completely autisticed this conversation, oops!
Yes, menopause is a total bitch. I’m glad to hear it’s been easier for you coming out the other side :)
oh wow, the feelings are still so strong. There lies the reason we need to listen to and advocate for our children. The school system has a long way to go but we need to keep shouting so our voices get heard. Not homeschooling yet, but I can see why so many people do.
🙌
All too familiar. I hated school for all those reasons too. The kids and most of the teachers. I started my first period at the age of 8, during morning assembly. I was already an oddity. Added to that I went to 13 schools in 12 years, thanks to Dad's work. I begged to go to boarding school. Now realising it would probably have been worse than always being the new girl. One teacher did say to my parents I was withdrawn and didn't join in with the other children. Tumbleweed. Having finally been diagnosed at 63 so much is explained but it will never take away the trauma of childhood or adulthood
Oh I’m so sorry, that all sounds awful! And your first period was 8! Did you know what was happening? I think I would have got a terrible fright! I think I was 10 or 11 when I started. Them started perimenopause around 36, I think in hindsight. I’m 43 now and it’s still awful. Can’t wait to be post-menopausal. Did your menopausal transition start early too? I hope you’ve found a lot of peace and comfort in your autism diagnosis. It’s so crucial to have an explanation for our challenges and difficulties, in my view. It’s what keeps me going currently as I’m having another major regression.
My experience, as a potentially high-achieving misfit ADHD were quite different - but yeah, school was unfathomable to me and I still remember Sunday nights over 50 years later. 🫂 to all xx
Yes! I’m AuDHD and was very autistic in primary school, then extremely ADHD in secondary school. I think that pattern is repeating through peri too. “Potentially high-achieving” - yes! I’m sure loads of us are 2e/twice exceptional. But using our intellect to keep our bodies in the room exhausts us so how could we have ever met our potential? 😿
Memories of school humiliation came rushing back as I read your post. I too suffered from stomach aches thanks to all the masking, often being sent home. I grew up in South Africa and live in the UK now so I've the reverse situation of your hemisphere swap, yet still I feel the back to school atmosphere this time of year!
Oh I’m so sorry reading this has brought it all back. It’s so awful, isn’t it?