You know what? On Tuesday, this was me. I was completely overwhelmed, too many things happening at once and not feeling very heard by anyone. I was driving along, bawling along to the Lighthouse Family and I came very close to veering into oncoming traffic. I am staying in a rural area so lots of trucks around.
Then I thought about my furbabies and how I couldn't abandon them, that would just be too cruel. It was a close-run thing though.
I have started to see some counsellors at a mental health support mob and they are quite nice but my clinician lady is one of those people who just sits and nods her head and listens. Sometimes, that is great, but right now, I need PRACTICAL help. And a light at the end of the tunnel.
All the things I put in place to help me through, don't seem to be working anymore. My body is also packing it in, which doesn't help. The wait lists for support are huge here, which also doesn't help. Apparently I am not bad enough to get popped closer to the top of the list, despite not managing my day-to-day stuff at all. Naturally enough, a referral was done to a psychiatrist (one I might actually be able to afford, a free one is completely not happening) and her waiting list is about 6 months. And even so, my GP said on her referral that I needed to "get assessed for ADHD". Umm, what about the Autism, what about the PTSD, depression etc etc?? She DID, however, give me that great gel! lol
I don't know how many ways I can possibly tell people around me that I am not coping and that I need help? My biggest fear is that I will end up in a mental health facility and that would be much, much worse.
Hi Monica, thanks for sharing. I’m so sorry it’s all so hard at the moment. I completely empathise.
Aw your furbabies need you around, hang in there.
I’m glad you’re being taken seriously and have mental health support, but it’s so frustrating when it’s not neuro-affirming so doesn’t quite hit the mark.
Are you able to see an occupational therapist in the meantime? I’m wondering if you’d feel the benefits from having a sensory profile done and then having a sensory diet set up, while you await the psychiatrist appointment. My OT did the Canadian Occupational Performance Measure (COPM) with me, and it really helped figure out exactly what practical help I needed. Once we know, it’s easier to find.
I guess the GP put ADHD down on the referral knowing that if it was “just” autism and trauma etc. they would refer to a psychologist instead. The psychiatrist can prescribe for ADHD once diagnosed. I hope you get a psychiatrist who is really onto it and screens you for all the things, not just ADHD. All the diagnoses at once can be overwhelming but validating, and reduces the life admin burden on us. And presumably the load on the mental health system.
Sorry I can’t offer practical help either, but please reach out if there’s anything I can help with.
Can your GP help with the medical issues? Do you have chronic illnesses developing or similar? It’s so frustrating how it all just piles on at midlife 😢
Yep, was diagnosed with OA when I was 39. First knee replaced at 46. Second one a few years later. 3 vertebrae in my neck replaced 4 years ago (bone spurs pressing on my spinal chord, would have ended up in a wheelchair otherwise). So yeah, that is impacting on me too, unsurprisingly. The combo of my head and my body, just isn't working too well right now.
Thanks as always, Amber! It’s hard, isn’t it? Trying to dig myself out of this pit whilst the ground is determined to swallow me whole.
I have been building my LEGO sets I got for my birthday. I now have a whole room to myself at home to act as an office, a base and a podcast space. Of course, it’s not yet set up, but I will work on it.
I have a meeting with an amazing advocate tomorrow to discuss nervous system regulation so am trying to figure out the tech so I can record and share it..!
This is exciting! Can’t wait to hear what’s said about the nervous system. I’d never heard of it until after I’d learnt to better regulate it, some of the time.
I love that you did this! I have so many thoughts on this topic. Having done many "safety assessments" in my life -- I have a web of thoughts on how to adapt the process to be more Autistic friendly. And this is just so important, and really appreciate you took the time to do a walk through video of making a safety plan. Most deaths happen in impulsive moments ... which many don't realize ... which is why having these safety structures built in (when we are in a space to build them) is just so, so important. Thank you.
I’m super tired so can’t recall stats but I’m wondering if the AuDHDers are more likely to impulsively make suicide attempts if our impulsivity isn’t well managed?
I guess hormonal fluctuations could also push us over the edge given the sudden mood changes that can occur in flux.
If you fancy doing a live with me on this, that would be great! And don’t worry if you don’t, because I’ll have forgotten I asked you within two seconds of putting my phone down!
Wow, I never thought about an OT at all. Maybe because I associate OT visits with elderly people...but at this point, I don't care about being labelled, I just need some HELP.
Ps - i always hear my 7th grade teachers voice “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” and so glad to have that small phrase in my lexicon!
Gosh, I did not know of that statistic - that autistic women are 13 x more likely to end their life.
Deep down I’ve always known that our statistics are miles out (due to my own unseen struggles), but I’ve only been able to voice this in recent years - and subsequently unearth the truer picture.
Similarly, Migraine is seen as 3/4x more likely but when we understand the severity - for example, in cases like cluster headache (the most painful experience a human can endure - previously thought to be rare. Now we’re waking up to the truth it isn’t, we’ve just dismissed the prevalence of it and discounted the anywhere in between), we know the reality is 20x more likely.
You truly are doing great work here. That’s proving not just life-changing, but life-saving.
You know what? On Tuesday, this was me. I was completely overwhelmed, too many things happening at once and not feeling very heard by anyone. I was driving along, bawling along to the Lighthouse Family and I came very close to veering into oncoming traffic. I am staying in a rural area so lots of trucks around.
Then I thought about my furbabies and how I couldn't abandon them, that would just be too cruel. It was a close-run thing though.
I have started to see some counsellors at a mental health support mob and they are quite nice but my clinician lady is one of those people who just sits and nods her head and listens. Sometimes, that is great, but right now, I need PRACTICAL help. And a light at the end of the tunnel.
All the things I put in place to help me through, don't seem to be working anymore. My body is also packing it in, which doesn't help. The wait lists for support are huge here, which also doesn't help. Apparently I am not bad enough to get popped closer to the top of the list, despite not managing my day-to-day stuff at all. Naturally enough, a referral was done to a psychiatrist (one I might actually be able to afford, a free one is completely not happening) and her waiting list is about 6 months. And even so, my GP said on her referral that I needed to "get assessed for ADHD". Umm, what about the Autism, what about the PTSD, depression etc etc?? She DID, however, give me that great gel! lol
I don't know how many ways I can possibly tell people around me that I am not coping and that I need help? My biggest fear is that I will end up in a mental health facility and that would be much, much worse.
Hi Monica, thanks for sharing. I’m so sorry it’s all so hard at the moment. I completely empathise.
Aw your furbabies need you around, hang in there.
I’m glad you’re being taken seriously and have mental health support, but it’s so frustrating when it’s not neuro-affirming so doesn’t quite hit the mark.
Are you able to see an occupational therapist in the meantime? I’m wondering if you’d feel the benefits from having a sensory profile done and then having a sensory diet set up, while you await the psychiatrist appointment. My OT did the Canadian Occupational Performance Measure (COPM) with me, and it really helped figure out exactly what practical help I needed. Once we know, it’s easier to find.
I guess the GP put ADHD down on the referral knowing that if it was “just” autism and trauma etc. they would refer to a psychologist instead. The psychiatrist can prescribe for ADHD once diagnosed. I hope you get a psychiatrist who is really onto it and screens you for all the things, not just ADHD. All the diagnoses at once can be overwhelming but validating, and reduces the life admin burden on us. And presumably the load on the mental health system.
Sorry I can’t offer practical help either, but please reach out if there’s anything I can help with.
Can your GP help with the medical issues? Do you have chronic illnesses developing or similar? It’s so frustrating how it all just piles on at midlife 😢
Yep, was diagnosed with OA when I was 39. First knee replaced at 46. Second one a few years later. 3 vertebrae in my neck replaced 4 years ago (bone spurs pressing on my spinal chord, would have ended up in a wheelchair otherwise). So yeah, that is impacting on me too, unsurprisingly. The combo of my head and my body, just isn't working too well right now.
Urgh, that sounds so tough. Are you in constant pain or not?
Being in and out of hospitals and self-advocating takes it’s toll too :(
Gosh, I’ve had these thoughts whilst driving in the past. I’m glad you’re here to give voice to them. (Something i didn’t do for many years)
I admire how you are advocating for yourself. Reaching out.
Recognising what type of support you need is massive. You are really clear on this.
What is bringing you light at the moment? Where does the light at the end of tunnel come from? Even if it feels distant.
All of this and all that you know and all that you are - it’s enough. You’re enough.
I am so glad you are here.
Thanks as always, Amber! It’s hard, isn’t it? Trying to dig myself out of this pit whilst the ground is determined to swallow me whole.
I have been building my LEGO sets I got for my birthday. I now have a whole room to myself at home to act as an office, a base and a podcast space. Of course, it’s not yet set up, but I will work on it.
I have a meeting with an amazing advocate tomorrow to discuss nervous system regulation so am trying to figure out the tech so I can record and share it..!
This is exciting! Can’t wait to hear what’s said about the nervous system. I’d never heard of it until after I’d learnt to better regulate it, some of the time.
I love that you did this! I have so many thoughts on this topic. Having done many "safety assessments" in my life -- I have a web of thoughts on how to adapt the process to be more Autistic friendly. And this is just so important, and really appreciate you took the time to do a walk through video of making a safety plan. Most deaths happen in impulsive moments ... which many don't realize ... which is why having these safety structures built in (when we are in a space to build them) is just so, so important. Thank you.
Hi Megan, thanks for your kind words!
I’m super tired so can’t recall stats but I’m wondering if the AuDHDers are more likely to impulsively make suicide attempts if our impulsivity isn’t well managed?
I guess hormonal fluctuations could also push us over the edge given the sudden mood changes that can occur in flux.
If you fancy doing a live with me on this, that would be great! And don’t worry if you don’t, because I’ll have forgotten I asked you within two seconds of putting my phone down!
Wow, I never thought about an OT at all. Maybe because I associate OT visits with elderly people...but at this point, I don't care about being labelled, I just need some HELP.
Thank you :)
OTs with an interest in adults euthanasia ND, or are ND themselves, are worth their weight in gold! :)
Ps - i always hear my 7th grade teachers voice “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” and so glad to have that small phrase in my lexicon!
That’s a really great message to have received. 🩵
Community and body doubling and things like that have been revolutionary. Individual therapy and solo self work are so much less effective to me.
I love that it feels like we can do it together.
Wow thank you for this resource. I need it so much right now.
Gosh, I did not know of that statistic - that autistic women are 13 x more likely to end their life.
Deep down I’ve always known that our statistics are miles out (due to my own unseen struggles), but I’ve only been able to voice this in recent years - and subsequently unearth the truer picture.
Similarly, Migraine is seen as 3/4x more likely but when we understand the severity - for example, in cases like cluster headache (the most painful experience a human can endure - previously thought to be rare. Now we’re waking up to the truth it isn’t, we’ve just dismissed the prevalence of it and discounted the anywhere in between), we know the reality is 20x more likely.
You truly are doing great work here. That’s proving not just life-changing, but life-saving.