yes, the hyperdrive is real! My brain has been smashed by the bloke down the road who has to rev the engine of his car for what feels like hours and hours and hours (in reality it is probably about 10 minutes) every day. I hate his car so much. I get so dysregulated because of it. I'm just about to start crocheting to soothe myself!
It's almost like I could have written much of this, except I live in the US. I am awaiting my assessment results, as I just completed it yesterday and have my follow up in 3 weeks. I send hugs. This truly is a difficult and lonely experience and I really appreciate being able to read your account. It is validating and helpful to have this jumble articulated.
I'm so grateful for your message. It has been so lonely and I've often felt like such a 'freak' that just didn't fit in anywhere, no matter how hard I tried. Thinking of myself through a new AuDHD framework has helped tremendously. I no longer plague myself with all the thoughts of what I ought to and should be doing. I can accept now that there are simply some things I can't do, or do not like doing, so can limit the time I spend doing things I dislike, instead of enduring them! Please keep in touch if you'd like, I wish you self-acceptance and peace and hope xx
p.s. Sam contacted me to let me know where were comments on my post. It felt like my post had gone in to some weird void (much like the feeling of spending months, weeks and days working towards an exhibition, then it opens and there is a vacuum type anti-climax), but I didn't think to check in . (I've just now had a revelation, that maybe I do not finish anything because of the ensuing anti-climax! There's no dopamine hit in completing something, it's more a feeling of disappointment that the rush of making is over.)
Yes! It's only just occurred to me! The ideas are the most exciting bit! In saying that though, I have just completed a section in my garden that has been eight years in the tending... I keep going to look at it and walk through it, consoling myself by thinking I will have to keep maintaining it (and all the rest of the garden... the work is never done... it is more comforting to know that there will always be plenty to do).
Here it is, and I was meaning to delete mine when I realised you were intending to speak to Megan, not me!
Debs commented on The Auti Peri Q&A:
Megan Hansen-Knarhoi 3h
I want to thank you and validate the importance of what you have shared. You said "I feel slightly reticent and hesitant about sharing my experiences, as I am by no means sorted." I am held back by that thought, over and over in many areas...
I am so grateful for your comment Debs. Sometimes I feel hopeful for the future, that the incessant self-critical thoughts will stop... at the moment I can argue with them, tell them (me) that they are not true, and argue truth to myself instead of made up crap. I am now also able to understand why I've spent almost a lifetime thinking that I'm stupid... Now that I have an AuDHD framework to interpret myself with, I understand why I thought I was "stupid". It happened every time I made some sort of social faux pas that I didn't know I'd made, or conversation or information I misunderstood, which I'd end up feeling confused or humiliated or ashamed about. The default is still "I'm stupid", but now there's another AuDHD framework thought that pops up too, giving me empathy and grace, that tells me I simply did not understand because my brain works differently, and that's absolutely okay.
Thanks so much, Debs! I’ve been thinking about you guys this weekend. I hope the flooding has subsided and you’re drying out 😿
I know what you mean and I’m feeling increasingly inhibited and unable to write. I need to just do it though. Hopefully tomorrow. Everything is so desperate right now globally I can’t find the words 😭
Perimenopausal hyper interested AuDHD’r and love to see we aren’t alone on so much. That there are others like me, feeling it all, in hyper drive!
Yay! You certainly aren’t alone in this, Liz!
yes, the hyperdrive is real! My brain has been smashed by the bloke down the road who has to rev the engine of his car for what feels like hours and hours and hours (in reality it is probably about 10 minutes) every day. I hate his car so much. I get so dysregulated because of it. I'm just about to start crocheting to soothe myself!
Oh no, that’s awful! 😭
It's almost like I could have written much of this, except I live in the US. I am awaiting my assessment results, as I just completed it yesterday and have my follow up in 3 weeks. I send hugs. This truly is a difficult and lonely experience and I really appreciate being able to read your account. It is validating and helpful to have this jumble articulated.
Best of luck with your follow up! It is such a tricky time managing assessments and new diagnoses.
I'm so grateful for your message. It has been so lonely and I've often felt like such a 'freak' that just didn't fit in anywhere, no matter how hard I tried. Thinking of myself through a new AuDHD framework has helped tremendously. I no longer plague myself with all the thoughts of what I ought to and should be doing. I can accept now that there are simply some things I can't do, or do not like doing, so can limit the time I spend doing things I dislike, instead of enduring them! Please keep in touch if you'd like, I wish you self-acceptance and peace and hope xx
p.s. Sam contacted me to let me know where were comments on my post. It felt like my post had gone in to some weird void (much like the feeling of spending months, weeks and days working towards an exhibition, then it opens and there is a vacuum type anti-climax), but I didn't think to check in . (I've just now had a revelation, that maybe I do not finish anything because of the ensuing anti-climax! There's no dopamine hit in completing something, it's more a feeling of disappointment that the rush of making is over.)
Oh true, because the dopamine for me is having the good idea, not in executing and seeing it through to completion 🫣
Yes! It's only just occurred to me! The ideas are the most exciting bit! In saying that though, I have just completed a section in my garden that has been eight years in the tending... I keep going to look at it and walk through it, consoling myself by thinking I will have to keep maintaining it (and all the rest of the garden... the work is never done... it is more comforting to know that there will always be plenty to do).
That sounds like an epic project!
I'm lucky to have a quarter acre section. When I moved in, the whole section was grass. I've been growing both native and food trees ever since 💚
Here it is, and I was meaning to delete mine when I realised you were intending to speak to Megan, not me!
Debs commented on The Auti Peri Q&A:
Megan Hansen-Knarhoi 3h
I want to thank you and validate the importance of what you have shared. You said "I feel slightly reticent and hesitant about sharing my experiences, as I am by no means sorted." I am held back by that thought, over and over in many areas...
I am so grateful for your comment Debs. Sometimes I feel hopeful for the future, that the incessant self-critical thoughts will stop... at the moment I can argue with them, tell them (me) that they are not true, and argue truth to myself instead of made up crap. I am now also able to understand why I've spent almost a lifetime thinking that I'm stupid... Now that I have an AuDHD framework to interpret myself with, I understand why I thought I was "stupid". It happened every time I made some sort of social faux pas that I didn't know I'd made, or conversation or information I misunderstood, which I'd end up feeling confused or humiliated or ashamed about. The default is still "I'm stupid", but now there's another AuDHD framework thought that pops up too, giving me empathy and grace, that tells me I simply did not understand because my brain works differently, and that's absolutely okay.
Apologies as it didn’t all copy across 😔
Oh bugger, I deleted your comment sorry Debs! I had been intending to delete my response to it! 🫣 😿
Stupid perimenopause!!!
Thanks so much, Debs! I’ve been thinking about you guys this weekend. I hope the flooding has subsided and you’re drying out 😿
I know what you mean and I’m feeling increasingly inhibited and unable to write. I need to just do it though. Hopefully tomorrow. Everything is so desperate right now globally I can’t find the words 😭