Autistics can listen to you better without eye contact because monitoring our outer presentation whilst maintaining inner concentration uses up excessive energy.
Thanks so much for this, Sam. I teach public speaking and eye contact comes up as part of body language. I'm trying to gradually turn the ship around to where people realise that it's not such a big deal if people aren't making the type of eye contact that's been preached to us. Reading your inner monologue helps me see that even more strongly.
Oh I’m so glad it’s helpful. Unfortunately women do need to mask sometimes for our own safety. Then tips like “look at the spot between their eyes so they think you’re looking at them but you don’t have to feel the intensity of eye contact” can be helpful. Quite a wordy tip 🤔 🤷🏻♀️
I remember at comedy school we were told to just look deep into the darkness of the crowd in one spot so people think you’re engaging with one audience member as they then find you more engaging. But, as you know, my eyes were fixed on my notes 😆
And with the constant inner monologue we can actually listen either. I tended to look at lips to lip read instead, not as good as starting down or out of the window or doodling but better than try not to hold eye contact.
Yes, I tend to look up to the ceiling or, better, write down verbatim what someone says to help me process and recall it. But really, it’s all too much effort and I’d rather stay home 😆
Needed to hear this today, as I sat in an important meeting and despite knowing it would present as awkward, had to look down and doodle most of the time in order to listen and stay calm. Eye contact can be exhausting!
It makes so much sense though, the constant battle in my brain with conflicting ideas and wants! Needing routine but craving novelty, and being autistic not totally explaining everything. Menopause definitely magnifies and complicates though!
Thanks so much for this, Sam. I teach public speaking and eye contact comes up as part of body language. I'm trying to gradually turn the ship around to where people realise that it's not such a big deal if people aren't making the type of eye contact that's been preached to us. Reading your inner monologue helps me see that even more strongly.
Oh I’m so glad it’s helpful. Unfortunately women do need to mask sometimes for our own safety. Then tips like “look at the spot between their eyes so they think you’re looking at them but you don’t have to feel the intensity of eye contact” can be helpful. Quite a wordy tip 🤔 🤷🏻♀️
I remember at comedy school we were told to just look deep into the darkness of the crowd in one spot so people think you’re engaging with one audience member as they then find you more engaging. But, as you know, my eyes were fixed on my notes 😆
This, this, this! I relate to this so much. Trying to make people understand that you don't listen with your eyes is a monumental task!
Yes, well said!
And with the constant inner monologue we can actually listen either. I tended to look at lips to lip read instead, not as good as starting down or out of the window or doodling but better than try not to hold eye contact.
Yes, I tend to look up to the ceiling or, better, write down verbatim what someone says to help me process and recall it. But really, it’s all too much effort and I’d rather stay home 😆
Needed to hear this today, as I sat in an important meeting and despite knowing it would present as awkward, had to look down and doodle most of the time in order to listen and stay calm. Eye contact can be exhausting!
100%! Just getting ourselves to appointments and meetings is hard enough without then having to participate 😹 😿
Totally this! I have also realised that I am ADHD through perimenopause as it has really magnified those traits on top of my autistic traits
It’s a tough way to find out, isn’t?! You and I both were diagnosed autistic before ADHD 💪
Often it’s the other way around!
It makes so much sense though, the constant battle in my brain with conflicting ideas and wants! Needing routine but craving novelty, and being autistic not totally explaining everything. Menopause definitely magnifies and complicates though!
Yes, autism explained a lot but not everything.